There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
