don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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