nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
