I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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