I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
