When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Randomize
