I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
