Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
