I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
there is glitter all over my balls
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
