No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
