Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
