UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
