got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
