Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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