Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
