just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
