It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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