alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
