he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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