apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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