$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
