Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
