Plan B is the new Plan A
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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