so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Randomize
