i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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