Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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