You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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