but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
