Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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