if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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