So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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