we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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