She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
