woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
