so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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