drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
