I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
