Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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