My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
