i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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