the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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