dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
