maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
