im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
