she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
