i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
