Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
