my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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