Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
