apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
