I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize