A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
