u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
