OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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