Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
