i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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