this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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