Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
