I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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