Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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