there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
