I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
