he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
