i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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