he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
