That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
